Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
