Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
