i permit you to call me
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize