Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
