He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
