Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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