Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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