So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize