my shit smells like andre
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The uberlube is also flammable
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
