So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
