It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
