haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
