Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
