my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
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