Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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