Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There's always time for handjobs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
