wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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