omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
