He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
