Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
