you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
