Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
