Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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