are you still at the devil's house?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
