So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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