if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
