if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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