All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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