Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
