God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
