How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
