Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
