last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
