I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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