I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
