so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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