so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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