She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
