My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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