did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
