She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
