Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
