so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
