Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
