I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
