goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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