respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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