I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
