Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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