i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
