Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
