you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
