i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
