I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
try to milk me bitch
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