i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
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