I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize