i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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