Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
