Someone shit on the floor
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
