That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
