Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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