You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
