My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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