Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
