In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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