Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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