Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
