Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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