I need help removing her.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize