the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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