my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
