So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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