and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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