Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
this must be what syphilis tastes like
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
