sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
