i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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