I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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