I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
