We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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