I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
