they need to just BURY HIM!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize