I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
