Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
