I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
