Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
