Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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