my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
